Updating, updates, bleh.

My gods, my life is an insane wreck right now. The palmistry reading still haven't changed after all this time, and not that it's so much as a "bad" thing, but I really truly think that it may have some truth to it and that's scaring the hell out of me.

Okay...truth......as I said before, I'm a scientist and I work in a lab, so I have access to all the different technologies where you can isolate DNA and all that. You're not supposed to use it for personal purposes, of course. It's a lab..but a lot of my colleagues have done it for their friends. I know that I could get away with that kind of thing because our supervisor is so "laissez-faire." I've been debating for a while what I should do with Jocasta. I still don't know because first, I have to find out whether the prophecy is true. I...I did that to Jocasta's blood. She recently got a rather deep cut when she went rock climbing, so..OH GODS WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I took it and checked it for DNA.

Pros	Cons
Finding Out the Truth	Finding out the truth
If false, knowing that the palmister has absolutely no idea what he's talking about	If true, losing her forever.
If false, I can make up for the last months that I've been an idiot	If true, awkwardness even if we keep contact.

The result is even more than revolting. We're actually siblings! With the same mother and father! We're full blood siblings. Part of me doesn't believe this at all. I don't know what else to say but that I don't believe in the beginning.

And then the science part of me kicks in and kicks me in the butt. If it's backed up by science, I can't say that it's impossible. In fact it's far from that. If it's backed up by science, then it's entirely, entirely possibly true. It's a terrifying thought!

But now I'm thinking, if she doesn't know, is that a really big problem? Like is that even a problem if she doesn't know, and I can hide the fact away. Because the truth is, being with her, it's the first time in my life that I felt like I belong. Like I really belong with someone. But I don't know whether that kind of love is motherly love or you know..husband-wife love, cause I've never experienced either. I don't know whether she has either, we don't talk about the past much, we just stay in the present and are content in each other's company.

We're not like other couples who's first instinct is to have fuck up to get together, and we're not so much physical. We're provide mental stability (and sometimes, instability) for each other for someone to turn to and someone to talk to. And I love what we had. It's unique. And I can't just give up 4 years of my life knowing this information, but at the same time, I don't know what I can do.

I suppose I can just slowly distance myself longer and longer and longer....but I don't know whether that's the best choice either.