Phew

Jocasta woke up yesterday when I was out for breakfast down at the hospital wing cafeteria at St. Michael's Hospital on Queensway. I'm almost glad that I wasn't there when she woke up, so she wouldn't be startled by my presence. At the same time, it makes it a little harder to justify why I came back when she doesn't see me there when she first woke up.

I didn't know what to do, so I went a short bus ride away to get some roses, the kinds that she likes. I went back to her hospital room, but there were two people talking to her quietly. They brought some flower, said a few words silently, which she acknowledged with a thankful look on her face. I seem to remember her saying thank you, at least 10 times. One of them, a buff man with a slight moustache and slight beard, looking like he hasn't shaven in weeks. I don't blame him, I literally haven't shaven in a month. The other, a tall slender woman, with dark brown curls..who are they? I've never seen them before, and suddenly they are looking at her with such sadness and emotion on their faces. Could they be here because of me? Either way, the minute they see me, their eyes grow wide in surprise. Jocasta catches their movement, following their eyesight, and she's in shock.

The two strangers know to give us some room, some privacy and mutter some words. I just didn't have the heart to hear or listen to them. Things are just way to uneven and strange between Jocasta and I right now, and someone else - maybe a couple, dating? It's just way too much for me to handle right now. But I can feel Jocasta looking at me, and I feel the need to look back.

She stares at me with a whole plate of emotions on her face. From shame to guilt to disappointment to love to sadness, her eyes grew wide in surprise and her lips parted slightly. Neither of us knew what to say to each other, but the minute I came close to her bed, she gave me a weak hug. I could tell that was how little strength she had, but I hugged her back anyway. I dropped the flowers by her bedside, and took the chair right beside her head. She reached for my hand, and just held it. We didn't speak for the whole time, it was just her, holding my hand. We can speak tomorrow, or the next day. What matters is that we're here for each other when we really need to be, and for her, my presence was enough.