My god. Cal and Gillian finally found out the prophecy that Oedipus got, and it's an absolutely terrifying thought. No wonder he left or he did-whatever-he-did because I don't know how I would react. I often think about what I'm going to do in the future, but this time, I can't even imagine how I would react. What my reaction would even be.
Gosh, the prophecy part. He was told that he was going to marry his sister and murder his father...part of me says that it's not possible and it's not true just because I don't believe in prophecies. But neither does Oedipus, and there's almost no doubt that he took it to heart. Makes me wonder whether it means something, whether it's too much to ask to ask him to come back and ignore the prophecy.
But he clearly thought it was important or he thought it was true before leaving which scares me even more. He's spent over $500 on this palmister, it could just be a scheme. But so far, it's the only pathway that Cal and Gillian know of, so they're going to follow it and see where they end up.
We've been over prophecies together too, I'm not even sure why he would take this one to heart. But, he must have said something convincing. It almost reminds me of my ex-boyfriend, how convincing he was when he wanted something, but a lot of people have that kind of "trick." I'll never have it, but I think Oedipus has a bit of it...
We'll see how it turns out, I still don't fully believe that the palmister was telling the truth and Oedipus was acting out of his own free will. He had to have had a reason to leave, a reason to avoid me.
I know the feeling so well, when I was a senior in high school, I was with my boyfriend, and we did it for the first time. We only ever did it once, so we never talked about it. But after about a month, I started getting sick. I thought it was a cold or flu, so I went to the doctor who instead, gave me a pregnancy test. It came back positive. This was by far, the most hectic time in my life. I had to choose between putting it up for adoption, abortion, or raising and keeping it as my own. I was never going to abort the pregnancy - I could never think about killing my baby. I was left with the other two options, and I was torn. I had decided that I was going to keep it, but my boyfriend at the time convinced me that if the baby was put up for adoption, chances were, it would have much more interaction with other children and be able to expand their horizons. I had been debating for a really long time, before the baby was even born. I had decided, it would be way too hard to go to the adoption centre with my boyfriend because I would keep thinking back...so I would give birth to my son or daughter, spend a night with him or her, and then the next day, bring it to the adoption centre - without my boyfriend around. I just thought that it would be a lot easier for me to do it without him - and for him, a lot easier to not see his son or daughter and then have doubts. He was more of that kind of person - convincing, but much more doubtful in the middle of the act. I wanted to protect him, but that backfired, and he left me. He didn't even say anything, he just packed all of his stuff and left. I never saw him after that. Part of me thinks that it's my fault and that I did something wrong, and I know I did. But the other part of me wanted to find out what it felt like to not be tied down to someone - having the responsibility of looking after a kid and having to go home to a boyfriend. It wasn't that I didn't love him, I did - but sometimes, we spent a bit too much time together. The other part of me tells me that I was just an idiot, and if we had both brought it to the adoption centre together, it would have been much better. And that if we both changed our minds, so be it. We would grow up with a baby boy between us and we might have grown a lot closer rather than just walking out on each other and throwing away the four years as if they were nothing. That's by biggest regret in life, but I don't think that's even related
What I meant to say, is that I understand the feelings that Oedipus is going through - the idea of protecting themselves and the people they love from themselves. They think that something is wrong with themselves, and so they act on it, and they try to distance themselves. I did that, and it took me years to get back. After giving up my son for adoption, I was so guilty that I gave him up and I was so guilty that my boyfriend walked out that I couldn't maintain a job and ended up living on the streets for a year and a half. It's not nearly as bad as you think it is, but there are some cold days in the park where you bundle up in everything you own, and police officers come in and say "You can't sleep there." But they don't tell you where else you can go, they just kick you out..so the minute they leave, you just start sleeping there again. You wake up the next morning, and you talk to the people that you talk to everyday. I used to hang around the hot dog shop, and if there were any leftovers, the vendor - she would give them to me. I'm still in contact with her, she's the nicest fellow I've ever met in my years.
But the key is that I've bounced back from it, I managed to find a boyfriend, and we aren't attached at the hip - we do a lot of things together but we know when enough is enough. We both know that boundary. When we want to go our separate ways or do our separate things, we can do it without being questioned by the other. We do grocery shopping together, but when it comes to clothing-shopping, or fashion-shopping, we split up. And it's not that big of a deal...some couples say that we're almost impersonal, and it's like we don't know each other. But we do know each other, we know more about each other than anybody else knows about us, and we're similar in that way. We just know that we don't have to stick together to show that love to each other.
Saturday, 30 August 2014
Friday, 29 August 2014
Peaceful Blissfulness
It's who-knows how many months later, I didn't bother bringing a watch or anything that can keep track of time when I left. I'd rather not know.
I just can't believe that Jocasta is actually my [older] sister. How did I not notice that before? Scientists know that they're attracted to people who think alike, and we were so alike. We were able to live together but independently, and somehow, I couldn't keep my side. Had I just given up the research in the stupid lab on her DNA, I would have never known and I never would have to find out. Then we wouldn't even be in this trouble. It was just all my fault.
I'm in the mountains, now. I don't know where else to go, I just always found the mountainside relaxing. But that relaxation is really not getting to me right now. It should, but it isn't. Not even in the slightest.
I've always thought that Jocasta was someone who I could talk to all the time. I never thought that she would betray me like that, but she didn't betray me. She just had absolutely no idea. Arguably, neither did I, but that doesn't make this whole situation okay. Nothing makes it okay...it just can't be "alright" any more. I don't even know how my relationship with Jocasta will be if I go home. She was always just the one person who understood things that were going on in my life. She was the one person who always understood. We'll see how it goes.....I'm off to bed now. I don't know what time it is, but it's getting dark and I'm getting sleepy.
And my mind keeps wandering back to the palmister, did he mean it? Was he suggesting something? I'm almost very sure it was, but I can't be sure - I can't be sure at all. I'm never sure when it comes to these kinds of things...part of me knows that the palmister wouldn't suggest something like that if he knew something. But the other part of me knows that he might not be all that trustworthy cause I haven't exactly known him that long. I don't know..
Maybe it doesn't even matter - since I've put my old life behind. I'm here - in the mountains, just peaceful and relaxing.
I don't know whether I'll go back. I don't know whether it will be days, months or years before I head back, but I'm not ready to face Jocasta or the palmister - not yet.
Night/Morning.
And my mind keeps wandering back to the palmister, did he mean it? Was he suggesting something? I'm almost very sure it was, but I can't be sure - I can't be sure at all. I'm never sure when it comes to these kinds of things...part of me knows that the palmister wouldn't suggest something like that if he knew something. But the other part of me knows that he might not be all that trustworthy cause I haven't exactly known him that long. I don't know..
Maybe it doesn't even matter - since I've put my old life behind. I'm here - in the mountains, just peaceful and relaxing.
I don't know whether I'll go back. I don't know whether it will be days, months or years before I head back, but I'm not ready to face Jocasta or the palmister - not yet.
Night/Morning.
Thursday, 21 August 2014
Phew!
Me, Myself, and I:
So the Lightman Group did a little bit more digging into the building and the residents he could have visited. Earlier, they narrowed it down to the one unit, where they thought Oedipus was having an affair. But it's nothing even remotely related to that - the girl's father is a palm reader. I think they're called palmisters (or something along the sort), and they're supposed to be able to predict someone's future. I don't really know why Oedipus would have gone to a palmister, being a scientist and all. In the past, if there was ever a problem, he would turn to science - because he was that kind of person. Oedipus turning to a palmister for help or for advice is just so strange!
Either way, I'm happy I denied his involvement with another woman, because even though our relationship isn't that great, I am convinced that nothing of that sort would have taken place. Somehow, it's a lot less concerning that he was visiting a palmister rather than a woman, even though I'd like to find his reasoning behind visiting a palmister in the first place.
With all these interesting that Oedipus is doing, it makes me wonder whether it was something the palmister said that made him so angry and run away. Part of me says that it isn't like him to just walk out of the room - I just don't think he would do some kind of thing. The other part of me tells me that just as I am, we both act on our emotions. And if he was annoyed or angry or upset about something that was said, he would take it to heart - just as I would.
Cal and Gillian said that they would push the palmister for her prophet that she told him, so I'm hoping to get some kind of perspective soon.
- Jocasta
So the Lightman Group did a little bit more digging into the building and the residents he could have visited. Earlier, they narrowed it down to the one unit, where they thought Oedipus was having an affair. But it's nothing even remotely related to that - the girl's father is a palm reader. I think they're called palmisters (or something along the sort), and they're supposed to be able to predict someone's future. I don't really know why Oedipus would have gone to a palmister, being a scientist and all. In the past, if there was ever a problem, he would turn to science - because he was that kind of person. Oedipus turning to a palmister for help or for advice is just so strange!
Either way, I'm happy I denied his involvement with another woman, because even though our relationship isn't that great, I am convinced that nothing of that sort would have taken place. Somehow, it's a lot less concerning that he was visiting a palmister rather than a woman, even though I'd like to find his reasoning behind visiting a palmister in the first place.
With all these interesting that Oedipus is doing, it makes me wonder whether it was something the palmister said that made him so angry and run away. Part of me says that it isn't like him to just walk out of the room - I just don't think he would do some kind of thing. The other part of me tells me that just as I am, we both act on our emotions. And if he was annoyed or angry or upset about something that was said, he would take it to heart - just as I would.
Cal and Gillian said that they would push the palmister for her prophet that she told him, so I'm hoping to get some kind of perspective soon.
- Jocasta
Sunday, 17 August 2014
Really?
Me, Myself, and I:
I've found out why Oedipus was out on Friday nights...he went to the building, the one that he got the blueprints for - over and over. Cal thinks he might have been visiting one of the young ladies there. Cal thinks that Oedipus was having an affair. My god, as if this couldn't get any worse!
I can't believe that Oedipus would do this kind of thing to me. I thought I was a "loyal"-enough wife that he wouldn't go searching for another person. I'm almost taken aback that he would feel the need to find someone else. Part of me doesn't believe it. I want to see it from him - see pictures of him with this girl, and then maybe - just maybe, I'll fully believe it. Even if there are pictures, there could a thousand more reasons. I want Oedipus so say it to my face, if it's actually true. I'm in denial.
But on the same hand, maybe he was there...not because he was...doing things with her, maybe her home business is there? Or maybe he was visiting her father? I just don' think Oedipus would do something like that, not to me. I thought I could trust him - I know I can trust him, I don't think it's even remotely possible that this could have been him. I respect him far too much that I can't put this past him. I just don't believe it!
We'll see how it plays out.
- Jocasta
I've found out why Oedipus was out on Friday nights...he went to the building, the one that he got the blueprints for - over and over. Cal thinks he might have been visiting one of the young ladies there. Cal thinks that Oedipus was having an affair. My god, as if this couldn't get any worse!
I can't believe that Oedipus would do this kind of thing to me. I thought I was a "loyal"-enough wife that he wouldn't go searching for another person. I'm almost taken aback that he would feel the need to find someone else. Part of me doesn't believe it. I want to see it from him - see pictures of him with this girl, and then maybe - just maybe, I'll fully believe it. Even if there are pictures, there could a thousand more reasons. I want Oedipus so say it to my face, if it's actually true. I'm in denial.
But on the same hand, maybe he was there...not because he was...doing things with her, maybe her home business is there? Or maybe he was visiting her father? I just don' think Oedipus would do something like that, not to me. I thought I could trust him - I know I can trust him, I don't think it's even remotely possible that this could have been him. I respect him far too much that I can't put this past him. I just don't believe it!
We'll see how it plays out.
- Jocasta
Wednesday, 13 August 2014
The Not-So-Quick Interview
I shouldn't be saying this, but I'm sick of having no one to talk to, it's just not how I want to live my life.
Anyway, Cal and Gillian started talking with me today and asking me questions. The typical like:
"Was there anything wrong with your relationship?"
"How was your relationship with each other in the last 6 months? Last year?"
These were by far, the hardest questions I've had to answer. Because the one part of me just wants to shut everything down and tell them that it's perfectly fine, and to handle things myself. But the last time I tried that, it did not go well. I realize that they're waiting for my answer and with the pressure and the anger and resentment from the past few months, I couldn't handle it anymore. I broke down in front of them, making me look like a weak-ass, but at the time, I couldn't care less. They caught onto my emotions before the tear even slipped out, and them everything that had happened between Oedipus and I the entire time. I just don't know what else to say; that we were a perfect couple in the beginning, and then suddenly, very suddenly, we just stopped.
They told me that they had found some blueprints and some plans of a building on Queen Street in Downtown Toronto, but I had no idea what those were for. They weren't willing to tell me either, and I pushed them to tell me what the matter was, and they did end up telling me. They told me that they suspect it was for a robbery or some kind of crime. I was absolutely horrified. That's nothing like Oedipus - I know, for a fact, that if he was in the right mind, he would never kill anybody! I'm not even half joking anymore, I just...I can't see him as the same person anymore, because I know that he couldn't have gotten away or even done anything like that.
Maybe that's why he didn't go home? But the Lightman Group talked to the police and they said that there hasn't been any reported burglaries or anything of the nature, so I don't think it has something to do with that, but the fact that he even had those blueprints is absolutely mind-blowing. I thought he would talk to me about it - but he must have had a good reason for it. It has to be the reason for everything, he just must have had a really good reason for the different things that he's done. When the Lightman Group finds him, I hope he's wiling to talk to me and tell me what triggered all of this.
- Jocasta
Anyway, Cal and Gillian started talking with me today and asking me questions. The typical like:
"Was there anything wrong with your relationship?"
"How was your relationship with each other in the last 6 months? Last year?"
These were by far, the hardest questions I've had to answer. Because the one part of me just wants to shut everything down and tell them that it's perfectly fine, and to handle things myself. But the last time I tried that, it did not go well. I realize that they're waiting for my answer and with the pressure and the anger and resentment from the past few months, I couldn't handle it anymore. I broke down in front of them, making me look like a weak-ass, but at the time, I couldn't care less. They caught onto my emotions before the tear even slipped out, and them everything that had happened between Oedipus and I the entire time. I just don't know what else to say; that we were a perfect couple in the beginning, and then suddenly, very suddenly, we just stopped.
They told me that they had found some blueprints and some plans of a building on Queen Street in Downtown Toronto, but I had no idea what those were for. They weren't willing to tell me either, and I pushed them to tell me what the matter was, and they did end up telling me. They told me that they suspect it was for a robbery or some kind of crime. I was absolutely horrified. That's nothing like Oedipus - I know, for a fact, that if he was in the right mind, he would never kill anybody! I'm not even half joking anymore, I just...I can't see him as the same person anymore, because I know that he couldn't have gotten away or even done anything like that.
Maybe that's why he didn't go home? But the Lightman Group talked to the police and they said that there hasn't been any reported burglaries or anything of the nature, so I don't think it has something to do with that, but the fact that he even had those blueprints is absolutely mind-blowing. I thought he would talk to me about it - but he must have had a good reason for it. It has to be the reason for everything, he just must have had a really good reason for the different things that he's done. When the Lightman Group finds him, I hope he's wiling to talk to me and tell me what triggered all of this.
- Jocasta
Friday, 1 August 2014
Lightman Group
Me, Myself, and I:
I filed a police report...but nothing turned up. I don't blame them, the police don't have much to go on because they know that someone is missing, but they don't have any background information or any clues that may lead to why he left.
I've heard from some friends about an organization - Lightman Group. I met with them this morning, and they were more than wiling to help me find my boyfriend. For those of you who don't know who the Lightman Group is and what they do, they look at facial expressions and emotions to try to determine whether you are telling the truth. Within a split second, they can determine anger, surprise, fear, guilt, and so many other emotions. They have been known for doing an amazing job and I have faith that they will find Oedipus, or at least find the truth of why he left.
I don't think I'm allowed to update anyone on the investigation, but..I mean, you're a diary. As long as no one gets their hands on you, it really doesn't matter. Actually, I don't really care if anyone gets their hands on you because they can't charge me for writing something down in paper.
- Jocasta
I filed a police report...but nothing turned up. I don't blame them, the police don't have much to go on because they know that someone is missing, but they don't have any background information or any clues that may lead to why he left.
I've heard from some friends about an organization - Lightman Group. I met with them this morning, and they were more than wiling to help me find my boyfriend. For those of you who don't know who the Lightman Group is and what they do, they look at facial expressions and emotions to try to determine whether you are telling the truth. Within a split second, they can determine anger, surprise, fear, guilt, and so many other emotions. They have been known for doing an amazing job and I have faith that they will find Oedipus, or at least find the truth of why he left.
I don't think I'm allowed to update anyone on the investigation, but..I mean, you're a diary. As long as no one gets their hands on you, it really doesn't matter. Actually, I don't really care if anyone gets their hands on you because they can't charge me for writing something down in paper.
- Jocasta
Monday, 28 July 2014
HELP!
Me, Myself, and I:
It's been three days since his disappearance, and he still hasn't contacted me. And even though I have absolutely no idea what to do, I'm going to report him missing to the police. His phone must either be dead - or he turned it off, I have absolutely no idea. But either way, something is wrong and I can't just sit back and do nothing.
- Jocasta
It's been three days since his disappearance, and he still hasn't contacted me. And even though I have absolutely no idea what to do, I'm going to report him missing to the police. His phone must either be dead - or he turned it off, I have absolutely no idea. But either way, something is wrong and I can't just sit back and do nothing.
- Jocasta
Friday, 25 July 2014
Anything?
Me, Myself, and I:
I'm not sure where Oedipus has gone, and he didn't come home last night. Usually, he texts or he calls to let me know that he'll be gone or that he'll be coming in late, but he didn't even say anything this time. I'm slightly worried, especially considering his well-being...he's not all that stable right now. He isn't willing to open up to anybody, and so I have absolutely no idea what to do because he's been missing for so long.
I'm going to keep calling his phone...I don't know what else to do.
- Jocasta
I'm not sure where Oedipus has gone, and he didn't come home last night. Usually, he texts or he calls to let me know that he'll be gone or that he'll be coming in late, but he didn't even say anything this time. I'm slightly worried, especially considering his well-being...he's not all that stable right now. He isn't willing to open up to anybody, and so I have absolutely no idea what to do because he's been missing for so long.
I'm going to keep calling his phone...I don't know what else to do.
- Jocasta
Thursday, 24 July 2014
Updating, updates, bleh.
My gods, my life is an insane wreck right now. The palmistry reading still haven't changed after all this time, and not that it's so much as a "bad" thing, but I really truly think that it may have some truth to it and that's scaring the hell out of me.
Okay...truth......as I said before, I'm a scientist and I work in a lab, so I have access to all the different technologies where you can isolate DNA and all that. You're not supposed to use it for personal purposes, of course. It's a lab..but a lot of my colleagues have done it for their friends. I know that I could get away with that kind of thing because our supervisor is so "laissez-faire." I've been debating for a while what I should do with Jocasta. I still don't know because first, I have to find out whether the prophecy is true. I...I did that to Jocasta's blood. She recently got a rather deep cut when she went rock climbing, so..OH GODS WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I took it and checked it for DNA.
The result is even more than revolting. We're actually siblings! With the same mother and father! We're full blood siblings. Part of me doesn't believe this at all. I don't know what else to say but that I don't believe in the beginning.
And then the science part of me kicks in and kicks me in the butt. If it's backed up by science, I can't say that it's impossible. In fact it's far from that. If it's backed up by science, then it's entirely, entirely possibly true. It's a terrifying thought!
But now I'm thinking, if she doesn't know, is that a really big problem? Like is that even a problem if she doesn't know, and I can hide the fact away. Because the truth is, being with her, it's the first time in my life that I felt like I belong. Like I really belong with someone. But I don't know whether that kind of love is motherly love or you know..husband-wife love, cause I've never experienced either. I don't know whether she has either, we don't talk about the past much, we just stay in the present and are content in each other's company.
We're not like other couples who's first instinct is to have fuck up to get together, and we're not so much physical. We're provide mental stability (and sometimes, instability) for each other for someone to turn to and someone to talk to. And I love what we had. It's unique. And I can't just give up 4 years of my life knowing this information, but at the same time, I don't know what I can do.
I suppose I can just slowly distance myself longer and longer and longer....but I don't know whether that's the best choice either.
Okay...truth......as I said before, I'm a scientist and I work in a lab, so I have access to all the different technologies where you can isolate DNA and all that. You're not supposed to use it for personal purposes, of course. It's a lab..but a lot of my colleagues have done it for their friends. I know that I could get away with that kind of thing because our supervisor is so "laissez-faire." I've been debating for a while what I should do with Jocasta. I still don't know because first, I have to find out whether the prophecy is true. I...I did that to Jocasta's blood. She recently got a rather deep cut when she went rock climbing, so..OH GODS WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I took it and checked it for DNA.
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Pros
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Cons
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Finding Out the Truth
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Finding out the truth
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If false, knowing that the palmister has absolutely no idea what he's talking about
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If true, losing her forever.
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If false, I can make up for the last months that I've been an idiot
| If true, awkwardness even if we keep contact. |
The result is even more than revolting. We're actually siblings! With the same mother and father! We're full blood siblings. Part of me doesn't believe this at all. I don't know what else to say but that I don't believe in the beginning.
And then the science part of me kicks in and kicks me in the butt. If it's backed up by science, I can't say that it's impossible. In fact it's far from that. If it's backed up by science, then it's entirely, entirely possibly true. It's a terrifying thought!
But now I'm thinking, if she doesn't know, is that a really big problem? Like is that even a problem if she doesn't know, and I can hide the fact away. Because the truth is, being with her, it's the first time in my life that I felt like I belong. Like I really belong with someone. But I don't know whether that kind of love is motherly love or you know..husband-wife love, cause I've never experienced either. I don't know whether she has either, we don't talk about the past much, we just stay in the present and are content in each other's company.
We're not like other couples who's first instinct is to have fuck up to get together, and we're not so much physical. We're provide mental stability (and sometimes, instability) for each other for someone to turn to and someone to talk to. And I love what we had. It's unique. And I can't just give up 4 years of my life knowing this information, but at the same time, I don't know what I can do.
I suppose I can just slowly distance myself longer and longer and longer....but I don't know whether that's the best choice either.
Friday, 30 May 2014
Understanding Life
I just went back to the palmistry a couple times in the past month..and even though prophecies are supposed to change, mine still isn't. I'm worried half to death...
Part of me tells myself that I shouldn't believe such nonsense!
I've never plotted to kill anyone except the palmister, and it's absolutely impossible that I would have ACTUALLY gone through with it. And I can't face Jocasta at home, because even though I don't think we're sister and brother - I mean, what are the chances of that actually happening? She's freaked 4 years older - but that shouldn't ever mean anything. I don't know what else to do!
Part of me tells myself that I shouldn't believe such nonsense!
I've never plotted to kill anyone except the palmister, and it's absolutely impossible that I would have ACTUALLY gone through with it. And I can't face Jocasta at home, because even though I don't think we're sister and brother - I mean, what are the chances of that actually happening? She's freaked 4 years older - but that shouldn't ever mean anything. I don't know what else to do!
Friday, 23 May 2014
Later and Later
Me, Myself, and I:
There have been some nights that Oedipus doesn't even come home, he says that he'll sleep at the office just because he has way too much work to do and that the drug breakthrough is nearly there, but he says that every night. It makes me wonder whether he actually has some kind of breakthrough, or he's seeing someone else at night just because we haven't been doing stuff that he wants, or whether he's mad at me and doesn't want to see me because I did something wrong. I don't know what's wrong, and I don't know how to solve it or what to do. I'm lost..
I've approached him about what's wrong, but he's not willing to tell me. He just says that it's work related - but even when he was developing his career, he was never so obsessed about things like that. It wasn't that bad before...I'm not sure what I can do...
Thanks,
- Jocasta
There have been some nights that Oedipus doesn't even come home, he says that he'll sleep at the office just because he has way too much work to do and that the drug breakthrough is nearly there, but he says that every night. It makes me wonder whether he actually has some kind of breakthrough, or he's seeing someone else at night just because we haven't been doing stuff that he wants, or whether he's mad at me and doesn't want to see me because I did something wrong. I don't know what's wrong, and I don't know how to solve it or what to do. I'm lost..
I've approached him about what's wrong, but he's not willing to tell me. He just says that it's work related - but even when he was developing his career, he was never so obsessed about things like that. It wasn't that bad before...I'm not sure what I can do...
Thanks,
- Jocasta
Thursday, 17 April 2014
Something's still wrong
Me, Myself, and I:
I'm still not quite sure what I can do about Oedipus, what I can do about this entire thing in general just because he still hasn't said anything. He comes home, looking like a zombie, he wakes up early, comes back late, and hardly even eats at home. I don't really know what I can do to console him, but he needs to open up.
If not to me, I wouldn't mind if he posts on this and doesn't tell anyone - or gets a psychologist and spills his life story - he just really needs to take out his bottled emotions. Maybe even like, kick-boxing or something. But he still hasn't come home, and it's nearly midnight.
That isn't like him at all. In all four years, I've never seen him so focused on his work - he used to come home, to at least be home with me for a short while. So we could talk - not usually about work, but usually about life in general, you know? I think that would be a great thing to talk about...I miss him.
Sorry for the emotional little entry, I'm trying to pretend life is normal,
- Jocasta
I'm still not quite sure what I can do about Oedipus, what I can do about this entire thing in general just because he still hasn't said anything. He comes home, looking like a zombie, he wakes up early, comes back late, and hardly even eats at home. I don't really know what I can do to console him, but he needs to open up.
If not to me, I wouldn't mind if he posts on this and doesn't tell anyone - or gets a psychologist and spills his life story - he just really needs to take out his bottled emotions. Maybe even like, kick-boxing or something. But he still hasn't come home, and it's nearly midnight.
That isn't like him at all. In all four years, I've never seen him so focused on his work - he used to come home, to at least be home with me for a short while. So we could talk - not usually about work, but usually about life in general, you know? I think that would be a great thing to talk about...I miss him.
Sorry for the emotional little entry, I'm trying to pretend life is normal,
- Jocasta
Wednesday, 2 April 2014
Worrying
Hello Everyone,
I'm not sure what's going on with Oedipus, I'm kind of getting slightly worried. Even more than the last time. I've approached him about it multiple times, and it seems like he's going to say something and then he decides against and doesn't say it. He doesn't spend as much time at home - really no time at home, and he doesn't talk about anything. We used to joke around watching movies or TV shows or things like that, but I'm just not...I don't know what to do in order to make him - well, less-like whatever he is now, or whatever he has morphed into. But I can't say that kind of thing to him - not when I know that he's going through so much. And I know that he is because he's always - constantly distracted. And I'm not even half joking about being distracted, because I've seen it all first hand.
We used to go out all the time on Friday nights too. But he's "staying at work" or always making excuses that we haven't been in ages. I don't know how to start the conversation, because it seems like another woman is in the picture. But I know that's not like him. It's not like him to have an affair, but I don't think it's up to me to decide that either.
But I trust him - trust him more than I have trusted anyone, that I won't want to pretend that everything is okay. I want to wait for him to open up to me - we always end up being okay in the end, but at the same time, I don't know how this is going to turn out. I have faith in him, otherwise I wouldn't respect him for who he is. And I do truly respect him for that. I hope he comes to his senses and tells me, some time, anytime.
Part of me is telling myself that I should push him to tell me, but I've also never been that kind of person to ask him to tell me such a thing. I feel like I shouldn't need to push someone to admit something, that's just not who I am. We've always relied on the trust and emotions even to admit the hardest of things. I can't imagine being with anyone else, where you can't admit something...and feel like you won't be judged for it. Even when he had problems with the drug, he would admit it because he knew it would be easier to get off of his chest. But now, I don't know what to do because something has to be big enough that he's channeled all his anxiety into his work. What could be wrong? If there are any ideas, please - please do tell me.
Thank you for your listening ear,
-Jocasta
I'm not sure what's going on with Oedipus, I'm kind of getting slightly worried. Even more than the last time. I've approached him about it multiple times, and it seems like he's going to say something and then he decides against and doesn't say it. He doesn't spend as much time at home - really no time at home, and he doesn't talk about anything. We used to joke around watching movies or TV shows or things like that, but I'm just not...I don't know what to do in order to make him - well, less-like whatever he is now, or whatever he has morphed into. But I can't say that kind of thing to him - not when I know that he's going through so much. And I know that he is because he's always - constantly distracted. And I'm not even half joking about being distracted, because I've seen it all first hand.
We used to go out all the time on Friday nights too. But he's "staying at work" or always making excuses that we haven't been in ages. I don't know how to start the conversation, because it seems like another woman is in the picture. But I know that's not like him. It's not like him to have an affair, but I don't think it's up to me to decide that either.
But I trust him - trust him more than I have trusted anyone, that I won't want to pretend that everything is okay. I want to wait for him to open up to me - we always end up being okay in the end, but at the same time, I don't know how this is going to turn out. I have faith in him, otherwise I wouldn't respect him for who he is. And I do truly respect him for that. I hope he comes to his senses and tells me, some time, anytime.
Part of me is telling myself that I should push him to tell me, but I've also never been that kind of person to ask him to tell me such a thing. I feel like I shouldn't need to push someone to admit something, that's just not who I am. We've always relied on the trust and emotions even to admit the hardest of things. I can't imagine being with anyone else, where you can't admit something...and feel like you won't be judged for it. Even when he had problems with the drug, he would admit it because he knew it would be easier to get off of his chest. But now, I don't know what to do because something has to be big enough that he's channeled all his anxiety into his work. What could be wrong? If there are any ideas, please - please do tell me.
Thank you for your listening ear,
-Jocasta
Thursday, 27 March 2014
Not a good idea, at all
I went back to the palmistry some time last week, and some time this week too. But in the past few weeks, he isn't even charging any fees. I wonder whether he just pities me because my prophecy isn't changing. Or whether he's just trying to be sympathetic. I hate being looked at like a kicked puppy...I'm almost embarrassed to say that I'm thinking more and more about what's taken place in the last few weeks, and oh my god...
Okay, I don't know any better way to say this but to say it outright...but I almost killed the palmister. My gods, I say that I can't believe that I would do that kind of thing. Like, who the hell am I to I turn into to turn into some idiot or some crazy insane idiot who murders people just because they provided a prophecy, something they think is true and real. Who have I become?
I'm almost embarrassed to think about my past actions, but I will have to live what I did. I have to accept what I did wrong, even though I'm too embarrassed to think about it, the scientist part of me is forcing myself.
It's the reason I haven't updated, it's the reason that I haven't updated in over a month...and the reason that the drug hasn't exactly gotten anywhere in terms of research. So...okay. One night, after the prophecy, I was feeling excessively angry - like really angry. That I started researching about old blueprints, and how you can get your hands on one. I called a guy who knew a guy (and no, I'm not telling you his name) who could help me get to these blueprints, and I was going to pay them a premium. $1000 for a single copy of paper. But when I had gotten the money, they said that the palmister had already taken care of the fee. Wait what? I accepted it just because I was so blind with hate, but I should have realized something was weird. I started planning how I could get in, starting paying more attention to location of security cameras and started staying later so I could see how hyped up security is around the area. I found out that, because the palmist lives on the second floor of some yoga studio, that it's actually not too hard to get in and out because there's so few units above, and the tenant's only concern for nothing to go missing. The old lady above the palmist is also awfully friendly about letting people in "after hours."
Anyway, so I planned all around this, and decided on a whim, that within the week, I was going to break into the palmist's suite and...oh gods. And kill him, in cold-blooded murder even though he had done nothing wrong. And I mean nothing. Like absolutely nothing wrong, just doing his job and doing what he can do make a living, and people like me - people who are scared and annoyed at their lives take it out on him. I can't get the fact, how the hell could I mess up to that extent? Who on earth would want to marry some person like that?
So I went in the next week, not even a lie. I buzzed the elderly lady above her, who was more than willing to let me in. She even suggested that I go up for a 'cuppa,' but I was just so not in the mood. Not down for some insane thing like that, not with the rage I was carrying at that time. I just kind of went "yeah" and walked up. But I had to position my knife in the perfect way that it wasn't visible from the security camera, and I wore my hat and sweater in a way that they couldn't see my face.
When I got in, I knew what I had to do and I expected all my moves. But for some reason, the palmister was literally sitting in his chair, the chair he uses when listening to patients. I tried enter slowly, but somehow, he saw right through me. He didn't even look up before saying "I know why you're here, and I know what you're trying to do, but it's a bad idea..." I was taken aback...so taken aback that I had no idea what to do. I'm about to kill a guy in cold blood, and all he can say is "I know why you're here, but I can vouch for my life so you shouldn't kill me?" Fine, I wasn't in the right frame of mind, but what the heck am I supposed to say after the fact that he knew I was going to murder him? -_- Anyway, I didn't do anything that night, I'm so glad that I came to my senses and didn't do anything stupid that night. I'm glad that he was able to talk some sense out of me. Not that I'm happy that the prophecy is still the same, but at least it wasn't the worst case scenario.
Thing is, I learned something about my family that I never wanted to learn. There's a reason why the palmister didn't charge money for the past few appointments, and there's a reason that he paid for the blueprint. He's hinted at it a few times in meetings, but I just never thought his true reason would ever come out. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but he said something about being related to me by blood. As if finding out that I'm destined to marry my sister and then murder my father, and find out that my palmister is related to me by blood, this life is insane. I shouldn't believe it - but I do. And I don't know why.
I don't realize until I leave, that he's the only person in my life that I've every thought about killing - and he's been dropping hints about being related by blood. Is it possible that he is? That he actually is? Or he's playing me? Part of me doesn't want to find out just like I didn't want to find out about Jocasta. Then part of me wonders whether he's just saying it just cause and doesn't want to expand on it, or whether he's actually truly, meaning what he's suggesting.
Okay, I don't know any better way to say this but to say it outright...but I almost killed the palmister. My gods, I say that I can't believe that I would do that kind of thing. Like, who the hell am I to I turn into to turn into some idiot or some crazy insane idiot who murders people just because they provided a prophecy, something they think is true and real. Who have I become?
I'm almost embarrassed to think about my past actions, but I will have to live what I did. I have to accept what I did wrong, even though I'm too embarrassed to think about it, the scientist part of me is forcing myself.
It's the reason I haven't updated, it's the reason that I haven't updated in over a month...and the reason that the drug hasn't exactly gotten anywhere in terms of research. So...okay. One night, after the prophecy, I was feeling excessively angry - like really angry. That I started researching about old blueprints, and how you can get your hands on one. I called a guy who knew a guy (and no, I'm not telling you his name) who could help me get to these blueprints, and I was going to pay them a premium. $1000 for a single copy of paper. But when I had gotten the money, they said that the palmister had already taken care of the fee. Wait what? I accepted it just because I was so blind with hate, but I should have realized something was weird. I started planning how I could get in, starting paying more attention to location of security cameras and started staying later so I could see how hyped up security is around the area. I found out that, because the palmist lives on the second floor of some yoga studio, that it's actually not too hard to get in and out because there's so few units above, and the tenant's only concern for nothing to go missing. The old lady above the palmist is also awfully friendly about letting people in "after hours."
Anyway, so I planned all around this, and decided on a whim, that within the week, I was going to break into the palmist's suite and...oh gods. And kill him, in cold-blooded murder even though he had done nothing wrong. And I mean nothing. Like absolutely nothing wrong, just doing his job and doing what he can do make a living, and people like me - people who are scared and annoyed at their lives take it out on him. I can't get the fact, how the hell could I mess up to that extent? Who on earth would want to marry some person like that?
So I went in the next week, not even a lie. I buzzed the elderly lady above her, who was more than willing to let me in. She even suggested that I go up for a 'cuppa,' but I was just so not in the mood. Not down for some insane thing like that, not with the rage I was carrying at that time. I just kind of went "yeah" and walked up. But I had to position my knife in the perfect way that it wasn't visible from the security camera, and I wore my hat and sweater in a way that they couldn't see my face.
When I got in, I knew what I had to do and I expected all my moves. But for some reason, the palmister was literally sitting in his chair, the chair he uses when listening to patients. I tried enter slowly, but somehow, he saw right through me. He didn't even look up before saying "I know why you're here, and I know what you're trying to do, but it's a bad idea..." I was taken aback...so taken aback that I had no idea what to do. I'm about to kill a guy in cold blood, and all he can say is "I know why you're here, but I can vouch for my life so you shouldn't kill me?" Fine, I wasn't in the right frame of mind, but what the heck am I supposed to say after the fact that he knew I was going to murder him? -_- Anyway, I didn't do anything that night, I'm so glad that I came to my senses and didn't do anything stupid that night. I'm glad that he was able to talk some sense out of me. Not that I'm happy that the prophecy is still the same, but at least it wasn't the worst case scenario.
Thing is, I learned something about my family that I never wanted to learn. There's a reason why the palmister didn't charge money for the past few appointments, and there's a reason that he paid for the blueprint. He's hinted at it a few times in meetings, but I just never thought his true reason would ever come out. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but he said something about being related to me by blood. As if finding out that I'm destined to marry my sister and then murder my father, and find out that my palmister is related to me by blood, this life is insane. I shouldn't believe it - but I do. And I don't know why.
I don't realize until I leave, that he's the only person in my life that I've every thought about killing - and he's been dropping hints about being related by blood. Is it possible that he is? That he actually is? Or he's playing me? Part of me doesn't want to find out just like I didn't want to find out about Jocasta. Then part of me wonders whether he's just saying it just cause and doesn't want to expand on it, or whether he's actually truly, meaning what he's suggesting.
Tuesday, 4 February 2014
Confusion and a mix of other emotions
Me, Myself and I:
I'm just not too sure what to do with the whole home-life because Oedipus isn't spending as much time as he used to at home. And as I mentioned before, I still don't know whether that's because I did something wrong or it's because the stress is just really getting to him. Part of me is slightly worried because I know that something is wrong and I don't know how to fix it.
I'm worried about him. I've finally gained some courage to ask him about it but he is isn't willing to talk to me about it, he's just saying that it is confidential stuff about work and that he can't talk about it. But that's strange, you know? He's never quite acted like that before even though he's under stress, and we both know that he isn't telling the truth but he isn't willing to admit such a thing, which is really annoying me.
But I'm not going to call him out on it just because he's been under so much stress lately that I don't want to mention anything that's bad. I've always felt that going home is a kind of "safe enclosure" that everyone should be able to experience when they go home, so I've never been one for "Spill your secrets!" I think I'd much rather family members open up by themselves without you asking...we'll see how that turns out. I have faith in him.
- Jocasta
I'm just not too sure what to do with the whole home-life because Oedipus isn't spending as much time as he used to at home. And as I mentioned before, I still don't know whether that's because I did something wrong or it's because the stress is just really getting to him. Part of me is slightly worried because I know that something is wrong and I don't know how to fix it.
I'm worried about him. I've finally gained some courage to ask him about it but he is isn't willing to talk to me about it, he's just saying that it is confidential stuff about work and that he can't talk about it. But that's strange, you know? He's never quite acted like that before even though he's under stress, and we both know that he isn't telling the truth but he isn't willing to admit such a thing, which is really annoying me.
But I'm not going to call him out on it just because he's been under so much stress lately that I don't want to mention anything that's bad. I've always felt that going home is a kind of "safe enclosure" that everyone should be able to experience when they go home, so I've never been one for "Spill your secrets!" I think I'd much rather family members open up by themselves without you asking...we'll see how that turns out. I have faith in him.
- Jocasta
Monday, 3 February 2014
I just..
I've googled a little bit about palm reading in general and a lot of people recommend continuously going to the palmister to get your palm read to see if anything changes. I'm thinking I might do this rather than dwell on the fact that I'm slightly terrified of the reading. I don't think I was wiling to admit that before, but now, now I am. I don't know how else to say it but, who the HELL wants to fuck up their sister and murder their father in cold blood?
But you know what, I'm just going to go visit the palmister maybe....every other week or so? Something like that, and if in 6 months, it's the same, I'll...try to dig a little deeper. I have to focus on the research and development of the drug, and I can't do that if I am constantly worrying over my family and personal life.
But you know what, I'm just going to go visit the palmister maybe....every other week or so? Something like that, and if in 6 months, it's the same, I'll...try to dig a little deeper. I have to focus on the research and development of the drug, and I can't do that if I am constantly worrying over my family and personal life.
Friday, 24 January 2014
Something's wrong...
Me, Myself, and I:
Oedipus hasn't been home too often. I'm not afraid of him reading what I wrote, but we respect each other's privacy. We wouldn't go into each other's belongings - I've never gone through his personal letters or diary entries and I know he would never go through mine. We're a sort of 'unique' couple in the sense that we do things together, but we know the times at which we can separate and do things ourselves. It's nice to have the independence along with knowing that someone's got your back no matter what.
Everything seems to be going wrong...maybe someone dropped a hint about something (but I don't know what this something would be). I have absolutely nothing to hide, it's not like I've done anything wrong, so I don't think he would turn on me for something that I haven't done wrong. Please make it better, please restore our relationship to what it used to be.
We've been so close for four years and I just...I just don't know what's happening now. Because it's now that he's starting to distance himself for some reason? But I haven't been doing anything differently - maybe he's thinking about taking it a step further and isn't willing to tell me?
- Jocasta
Oedipus hasn't been home too often. I'm not afraid of him reading what I wrote, but we respect each other's privacy. We wouldn't go into each other's belongings - I've never gone through his personal letters or diary entries and I know he would never go through mine. We're a sort of 'unique' couple in the sense that we do things together, but we know the times at which we can separate and do things ourselves. It's nice to have the independence along with knowing that someone's got your back no matter what.
Everything seems to be going wrong...maybe someone dropped a hint about something (but I don't know what this something would be). I have absolutely nothing to hide, it's not like I've done anything wrong, so I don't think he would turn on me for something that I haven't done wrong. Please make it better, please restore our relationship to what it used to be.
We've been so close for four years and I just...I just don't know what's happening now. Because it's now that he's starting to distance himself for some reason? But I haven't been doing anything differently - maybe he's thinking about taking it a step further and isn't willing to tell me?
- Jocasta
Sunday, 19 January 2014
Palmistry Update
I visited the palmister and he didn't tell me a word of what I wanted to hear. Not even a word. God, I regret going. It wasn't anything I expected and it was ten times worse than something like that should be like. No, I can't live like this...oh my god.
Oh The Olympians, if I ever - ever did anything nice to you, please, please, help me get out of the mess I am in. I'll even find a cow or a sheep to sacrifice for you, Apollo - or Artemis. Ares? Zeus? Poseidon? Is anyone here to help? PLEASE? Can anyone help....
*breathe in, breathe out* I shouldn't take this to heart, but the palmister hardly even had to look at my palm before he declared my horrible future. He told me that I would have a very hard future ahead of me and that I would marry my sister and kill my father. How I react to the fact will depend on how I make the decision - either I can lose my sister and father forever, or I'll know they'll have my back for a lifetime. Who on earth could survive or think even remotely straight if they were told about this horrible fact.
This is insane - I go from being the only child, the only offspring from some bitch who let me go, to someone who has a long-lost sister who just so happens to meet in the same place, and get together with each other. I can't accept that. That's absolutely crazy! I'm still trying to find my mother, but how the hell can I find her if I have absolutely no idea where to even start looking! And now I've got a father and a sister to find too?!
I SHOULDN'T BLOODY BELIEVE THIS KIND OF THING. I can't believe it! I don't! I'm a fucking scientist! I'm supposed to be studying science and believing in science, not magical things like reading palms and relying on such readings. I shouldn't be such an idiot, and yet...somehow, I am. How? Why can't I convince myself otherwise? I should be able to. Why can't I ever?
I feel almost unstable thinking about the fact that someone thought that, that was what I was destined to do. I can't even place my feelings in words, I'lll...you know, I don't know what I'll do, but whatever I need isn't on this kind of thing...bye.
Oh The Olympians, if I ever - ever did anything nice to you, please, please, help me get out of the mess I am in. I'll even find a cow or a sheep to sacrifice for you, Apollo - or Artemis. Ares? Zeus? Poseidon? Is anyone here to help? PLEASE? Can anyone help....
*breathe in, breathe out* I shouldn't take this to heart, but the palmister hardly even had to look at my palm before he declared my horrible future. He told me that I would have a very hard future ahead of me and that I would marry my sister and kill my father. How I react to the fact will depend on how I make the decision - either I can lose my sister and father forever, or I'll know they'll have my back for a lifetime. Who on earth could survive or think even remotely straight if they were told about this horrible fact.
This is insane - I go from being the only child, the only offspring from some bitch who let me go, to someone who has a long-lost sister who just so happens to meet in the same place, and get together with each other. I can't accept that. That's absolutely crazy! I'm still trying to find my mother, but how the hell can I find her if I have absolutely no idea where to even start looking! And now I've got a father and a sister to find too?!
I SHOULDN'T BLOODY BELIEVE THIS KIND OF THING. I can't believe it! I don't! I'm a fucking scientist! I'm supposed to be studying science and believing in science, not magical things like reading palms and relying on such readings. I shouldn't be such an idiot, and yet...somehow, I am. How? Why can't I convince myself otherwise? I should be able to. Why can't I ever?
I feel almost unstable thinking about the fact that someone thought that, that was what I was destined to do. I can't even place my feelings in words, I'lll...you know, I don't know what I'll do, but whatever I need isn't on this kind of thing...bye.
Palmistry
I have a palmistry appointment in an hour! He's not too far away, so I'll be leaving in a few minutes. It's almost entertaining that I'm actually going through with this, I just think it's a funny thing that Jocasta would really enjoy. It would be awfully entertaining!
Friday, 17 January 2014
Ha!
I'm coming up with so many ideas of things to give to Jocasta for her birthday...from hiring insane clowns to giving her a funny prophecy for the future. I'm thinking about the latter, actually! We always jokingly talk about the funny things that we can do in life, and what better funny thing to do than a prophecy! Those things are never really true, anyways.
I've also been thinking a lot about asking her hand in marriage. I can relate it to the fake prophecy that I get to learn about the future! I'm actually really excited about this, you don't even understand it at all. I can go to the palmister, remember the prophecy that he gave me, and then go back home, take her out for dinner, tell her the funny prophecy, and then propose to her.
I've also been thinking a lot about asking her hand in marriage. I can relate it to the fake prophecy that I get to learn about the future! I'm actually really excited about this, you don't even understand it at all. I can go to the palmister, remember the prophecy that he gave me, and then go back home, take her out for dinner, tell her the funny prophecy, and then propose to her.
Wednesday, 15 January 2014
Writing Here
Me, Myself, and I:
I'm not really accustomed to writing in diaries often, but I thought I would give it a try (to write periodically) just because...I don't know, why not? It's proven to be helpful to release all your positive (and negative) thoughts and sometimes, I think that there are too many of them bottled inside of me. I've been talking to people who constantly tell me that they write in diaries rather often, just to release their thoughts. And I thought..why not?
I'm a little adamant about the future - about the future of Oedipus and I. We've been dating 4 years already, and I don't know whether that's enough time to push it further - and I don't think it is. And this is the only steady relationship I have ever been in, and I have absolutely no idea how to keep "steady" relationships. I've never really been in a "steady" relationship to tell anyone what it means, so I don't know how to proceed.
- Jocasta
I'm not really accustomed to writing in diaries often, but I thought I would give it a try (to write periodically) just because...I don't know, why not? It's proven to be helpful to release all your positive (and negative) thoughts and sometimes, I think that there are too many of them bottled inside of me. I've been talking to people who constantly tell me that they write in diaries rather often, just to release their thoughts. And I thought..why not?
I'm a little adamant about the future - about the future of Oedipus and I. We've been dating 4 years already, and I don't know whether that's enough time to push it further - and I don't think it is. And this is the only steady relationship I have ever been in, and I have absolutely no idea how to keep "steady" relationships. I've never really been in a "steady" relationship to tell anyone what it means, so I don't know how to proceed.
- Jocasta
Monday, 13 January 2014
Presents, Presents!
YOOHOOOO! So I'm back - because I can't get over how epic this whole thing is - it's a cool kind of way to get into this diary thing.
I've been thinking a lot more about love and marriage between Jocasta, and I'm thinking, is it too early to propose to her after 4 years of dating? She's already mentioned that she's about 4 years older, but no one knows for sure. No one knows my birth date for sure, even though it's those "modern ages." Haha, MODERN AGE and I don't even know the year I was born. I would have known, but the day I got put into the orphanage, the person just didn't put the date of entry. And the system crashed before they had a chance to back it up, so I don't really know how old I am for certain. But does age really matter? I've never really paid any attention to the age, I just always thought that we had the natural chemistry and always got along together. We think very similarly, which I think is wonderful...anyways, I'll let you know about them ideas, because I'd like to give her something special!
I've been thinking a lot more about love and marriage between Jocasta, and I'm thinking, is it too early to propose to her after 4 years of dating? She's already mentioned that she's about 4 years older, but no one knows for sure. No one knows my birth date for sure, even though it's those "modern ages." Haha, MODERN AGE and I don't even know the year I was born. I would have known, but the day I got put into the orphanage, the person just didn't put the date of entry. And the system crashed before they had a chance to back it up, so I don't really know how old I am for certain. But does age really matter? I've never really paid any attention to the age, I just always thought that we had the natural chemistry and always got along together. We think very similarly, which I think is wonderful...anyways, I'll let you know about them ideas, because I'd like to give her something special!
Friday, 10 January 2014
Hi!
Me, Myself, and I:
Sorry I haven't updated in months! I've just been really busy in preparing everything - there's just so much to do around the house and..just thought I would do a quick update about my life, considering I started writing in you like 4 months ago, but I feel like I should get my past out on paper or something.
Hello. Oedipus and I met about 4 years ago where he stopped me in a coffee shop to ask me out on a date. He was the first sweet guy I've met in ages - the kind of person that you're glad to meet and glad to know. I'm just going to say it outright, I'm about 4 years older than him. No one knows the exact number for sure just because no one knows his true birth year, but you know...age difference just don't really matter all that much, not to us at least. He's always treated me with the utmost respect and never pushed me, and that's all that matters.
I love socializing, I love partying, and I just love getting to know people in general. I'm a pretty avid climber, and I think that's kind of a nice thing to end the day with. Or start the day, either way, it works real nicely.
Anyways, I shall be off as I have stuff to do,
- Jocasta.
Sorry I haven't updated in months! I've just been really busy in preparing everything - there's just so much to do around the house and..just thought I would do a quick update about my life, considering I started writing in you like 4 months ago, but I feel like I should get my past out on paper or something.
Hello. Oedipus and I met about 4 years ago where he stopped me in a coffee shop to ask me out on a date. He was the first sweet guy I've met in ages - the kind of person that you're glad to meet and glad to know. I'm just going to say it outright, I'm about 4 years older than him. No one knows the exact number for sure just because no one knows his true birth year, but you know...age difference just don't really matter all that much, not to us at least. He's always treated me with the utmost respect and never pushed me, and that's all that matters.
I love socializing, I love partying, and I just love getting to know people in general. I'm a pretty avid climber, and I think that's kind of a nice thing to end the day with. Or start the day, either way, it works real nicely.
Anyways, I shall be off as I have stuff to do,
- Jocasta.
Wednesday, 8 January 2014
My Biography
Hello! So I'm Oedipus. You spell that as Eed-de-pus, not Ooo-eee-dip-ius, which I get a lot. You would never believe it...somehow turning into being called, like...some insane chemical name or something. This is just a quick little thing about who I am, what I do for a living, and really how life is. I'm new to this whole diary thing - I just never accepted the fact that writing in a paper book would ever help. I don't think my life story is interesting, but I feel like I should get it out..you know - like OUT and about! But I'm just not really sure...you know, how to start or anything - but I guess..HERE GOES!
I'm a biologist and I'm working for a cure for H1N1 - and we're about to make a really big breakthrough in the science research. It's testing now, but like....seriously, how many drugs go through after years and years? I mean, of course, there are the smalllll little things that go wrong, but what's the likelihood of EVERYTHING going wrong? Pretty small, eh? At least I hope so! I think my voice here is kind of strange...you know, I've never been accustomed to this kind of technology like things, and so updating my entire life story on this is a little bit scary. Hopefully some people will support me...
Anyways, a slight history about myself. So I was adopted and I've JOYFULLY moved through like, twenty seven families. Sorry. That seems impersonal - I did actually live with 27 families, it's not a lie. Some of them were all sweet and nice and some of them were just downright idiotic. One of them, the mother, she just kept beating me, and then the adoption agency and Child Services took me out thank god. I still have the cigarette scars all over my stomach and some deep scars on my back. She used to drink and smoke all the time, and when he was drunk, she would put out his cigarette on my stomach. If I refused, he would still - put it on my stomach forcefully and then make me strip my top and beat my on my back. Well, that's almost depressing but I've accepted it for a fact, so I'm not really sure what else I can do. I'm still looking for my birth mother though. I just think it would be SO great to be reunited with her. I don't know whether she would want to see me, considering she gave me up so long ago. But I wonder how she feels about the situation.
My friend suggested that I sign up for that thing - the thing where you can search up possible family members and find them. I forget what it's called something about ancestors or ancestry - THAT'S IT! ANCESTRY.COM. Ancestry and I signed up for it. I found someone who should be around the age my mother would have been - about 18 years older than me? From what I hear, she was 18 when she had me, and then she just kind of dumped me into the orphanage. But I wasn't adopted, so I just kept moving through foster families. I wonder whether she regrets it, you know? It's just kind of...different perspective to think about! I messaged the person, but I'm still waiting back on a response. Anyway, I have to start cooking dinner in time for Jocasta to come back home - so later!
I'm a biologist and I'm working for a cure for H1N1 - and we're about to make a really big breakthrough in the science research. It's testing now, but like....seriously, how many drugs go through after years and years? I mean, of course, there are the smalllll little things that go wrong, but what's the likelihood of EVERYTHING going wrong? Pretty small, eh? At least I hope so! I think my voice here is kind of strange...you know, I've never been accustomed to this kind of technology like things, and so updating my entire life story on this is a little bit scary. Hopefully some people will support me...
Anyways, a slight history about myself. So I was adopted and I've JOYFULLY moved through like, twenty seven families. Sorry. That seems impersonal - I did actually live with 27 families, it's not a lie. Some of them were all sweet and nice and some of them were just downright idiotic. One of them, the mother, she just kept beating me, and then the adoption agency and Child Services took me out thank god. I still have the cigarette scars all over my stomach and some deep scars on my back. She used to drink and smoke all the time, and when he was drunk, she would put out his cigarette on my stomach. If I refused, he would still - put it on my stomach forcefully and then make me strip my top and beat my on my back. Well, that's almost depressing but I've accepted it for a fact, so I'm not really sure what else I can do. I'm still looking for my birth mother though. I just think it would be SO great to be reunited with her. I don't know whether she would want to see me, considering she gave me up so long ago. But I wonder how she feels about the situation.
My friend suggested that I sign up for that thing - the thing where you can search up possible family members and find them. I forget what it's called something about ancestors or ancestry - THAT'S IT! ANCESTRY.COM. Ancestry and I signed up for it. I found someone who should be around the age my mother would have been - about 18 years older than me? From what I hear, she was 18 when she had me, and then she just kind of dumped me into the orphanage. But I wasn't adopted, so I just kept moving through foster families. I wonder whether she regrets it, you know? It's just kind of...different perspective to think about! I messaged the person, but I'm still waiting back on a response. Anyway, I have to start cooking dinner in time for Jocasta to come back home - so later!
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